"A Visitor"
(I've recently discovered the poetry of Mary Oliver, and this poem reminded me of Dad.)
My father, for example,
who was young once
and blue-eyed,
returns
on the darkest of nights
to the porch and knocks
wildly at the door,
and if I answer
I must be prepared
for his waxy face,
for his lower lip
swollen with bitterness.
And so, for a long time,
I did not answer,
but slept fitfully
between his hours of rapping.
But finally there came the night
when I rose out of my sheets
and stumbled down the hall.
The door fell open
and I knew I was saved
and could bear him,
pathetic and hollow,
with even the least of his dreams
frozen inside him,
and the meanness gone.
And I greeted him and asked him
into the house,
and lit the lamp,
and looked into his blank eyes
in which at last
I saw what a child must love,
I saw what love might have done
had we loved in time.
My father, for example,
who was young once
and blue-eyed,
returns
on the darkest of nights
to the porch and knocks
wildly at the door,
and if I answer
I must be prepared
for his waxy face,
for his lower lip
swollen with bitterness.
And so, for a long time,
I did not answer,
but slept fitfully
between his hours of rapping.
But finally there came the night
when I rose out of my sheets
and stumbled down the hall.
The door fell open
and I knew I was saved
and could bear him,
pathetic and hollow,
with even the least of his dreams
frozen inside him,
and the meanness gone.
And I greeted him and asked him
into the house,
and lit the lamp,
and looked into his blank eyes
in which at last
I saw what a child must love,
I saw what love might have done
had we loved in time.
5 Comments:
I think I am more fortunate than Mary Oliver, because I forgave Dad before he was gone.
You're a better man than I. It took me a while.
I still struggle with Dad. I forgave him for his mistakes, including the final one but still struggle with reconciling his life, and its impact on mine. I see him every day in myself. I find that part the hardest of all. While I learned many positive things from Dad, I am often very disappointed in myself for acting like him or in response to him. It scares me.
A very sad poem
I know what you mean, Jim. It is painful to see traits of your parents in yourself if it is not something you admire. I think that is the plight of anyone who has parents :-)
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