June 26 1994

One for the weekend:

June 26, 1994
the end of our lives together

In June of 1994 Eddie and I were sitting getting ready to have coffee when she started shaking violently. I asked if she was okay and she said yes but would I please put her clothes on her. Before I did, I called 911 and asked them to send an ambulance. It took about ten minutes for them to get here and they rushed us to the Palmerton Hospital. When we got there she was dead. I died a little that day too. As I mentioned earlier I had been wounded three times in the war and suffered severe pain from malaria, but until that day I didn’t know what pain was. Now I knew.

Eddie had a brain hemorrhage on the way to the hospital in the ambulance and we didn’t even have a chance to say good-bye to each other.

Maggie came to the hospital and we consoled each other. She was wonderful that day even though she was hurting a great deal too. It was hard for me to consider anyone else, because I wasn’t thinking. I now apologize for being so into myself.

All of the children and many grandchildren came to my house that week and spent a difficult week talking about Eddie. Since Eddie had donated her body to scientific research there was no funeral. We went and sat in her favorite spot in the yard and the children all spoke about her. I apologize to all of my children for being so neglectful of them when they were hurting severally.

I have very little memory of that week.

For the next ten days or so people came to see me and I was occupied. The people of Sunny Rest had a ceremony and one of Eddie’s best friends did the eulogy. Her name is Debbie. She was really good and said many nice things about Eddie. I was somewhat in a coma so I didn’t participate and only have vague memories. All of the people left and I was alone. Except for Hank, Debbie and Justin who somewhat adopted me and made sure I was surviving. They spent many days and nights with me when they could have been doing other things and we kept very busy. I think they were hurting and they knew I was. How does a person write about the feelings he has for three friends who have made him almost part of their family. I don’t know but I want you to know that these three people have saved me from the grief I have had and I will be eternally grateful.

Not many people stop to see me anymore because they have lives of their own to take care of and I understand that. A few people come up, Charlie and Terry, Mort and Naomi, Art and Marla, Gordon and Ann, and a few people who never even knew Eddie. I enjoy their company and thank them.

Some of the friends I meet are people I meet in stores when I go food shopping and others are professionals who have worked with me on many projects. I enjoy going to the dentist because the people are interested in my welfare. Pat, Sheila, Tammy and Dr. John. It sounds insane to enjoy going to the dentist but I find their friendship very interesting. Not often that I wish I was young again but they make me feel that way.

I have been living in a state of shock ever since that day in June 1994 and here it is almost Christmas 1997. A year ago I couldn’t handle the pain anymore and decided to end it. I couldn’t even do that right so I ended up in the hospital in Lehighton for fourteen long days. Hank and Debbie visited me every day. On my own behalf, I want to say something here that’s important to me. Until that time I would have three or four drinks almost every day, but when I decided to bring it to an end, I used alcohol as my crutch for building courage for what I planned to do. On that day knowing what I was doing, I started early in the morning and by ten I had finished over a quart of scotch. It was my crutch. When they got me in the hospital and tested my blood they classified me as an alcoholic. The doctors and therapists were told I was an alcoholic and that is what I was treated for during my whole stay and to the point where I was beginning to believe it. After I was discharged from the hospital I arranged to be examined by two different doctors to see if what the hospital said was accurate. Both of these doctors who didn’t know each other, confirmed my suspicion that I was being treated for alcoholism when I should have been treated for severe depression. I now have two or three drinks every day and feel good. I still can’t get anyone in the medical community to help me with my depression. As I said, it is almost Christmas.

New Years Eve and guess where I went? To Hank and Debbie’s party, are you surprised? Other people who are long time friends were there and I did have a good time. I stayed until 12:45 which the latest I have been up since last New Years Eve. It’s now 1998 and I’m still here. At the party, some person said to me, I’ll bet it’s difficult for you at this time of the year. My answer was “yes”. Now I am thinking about it and my real answer should have been, I miss her all the time. Things trigger me to think about Eddie. For example, if I am having trouble with my car I think about the many times Eddie and I had car problems. If I have a problem with my furnace, I think about the times Eddie and I had problems with our furnace. If it snows, I think about all the wonderful times Eddie and I had in the snow. If it rains, I think about how much Eddie enjoyed rain and lightning storms. There isn’t anything that happens that doesn’t remind me of Eddie. I am trying to live a normal life but Eddie is and always will still be part of it.

I think it is appropriate here to say something about a very good friend. About eight years ago my grandson Joshua was spending some time with us at Sunny Rest. Unfortunately there were very few children his age here and Eddie and I were getting tired doing children’s games all the time. One day I took Josh to the recreation hall to play and only one boy was there. He was older than Josh but he could see that Josh was not having a very good time. He made friends with Josh and played with him for about an hour. As I got to know this young boy, I was impressed with his maturity and empathy for other people. Later when Eddie died he became one of my good friends and always seemed to understand what was going through my head. This young man, which he is now, is a real gentleman, and his name is Justin Pellitier. I remember vividly, one time when some guy gave me a hard time about smoking so I got up and went to the other end of the room and sat alone away from all the other people. Within thirty seconds Justin came up and sat with me and said in a loud voice so most everyone could hear him, “don’t listen to that Jerk”. I will always remember that. Thank you friend!

I want go off on a tangent here and say a few words about Sunny Rest Lodge. It is a Nudist resort in the foothills of the Pocono Mountains of Pennsylvania. Some people call it a nudist camp, some call it a clothing optional park, Eddie always liked the term, a Nudist Community, and always called it that. It is about a hundred acres of woodlands and open fields with a swimming pool, hot tub and sauna, tennis courts, basketball court, volleyball courts, motels, motor homes, and mobile homes. About twenty families live here year around, others come for vacations and some people come to SRL on a daily basis, or just on Friday and Saturday night for the disco. The population varies from few as thirty in the winter to as many as a thousand on a holiday weekend in the summer.

There are activities at Sunny Rest for those who wish to participate but no one is required to do anything. Some like volleyball, others don’t. Some like swimming, others don’t; people can make their own decisions. People have parties here all the time, cookouts are very popular gatherings. Some have just a few guests, others have scores of people. Some have parties by invitation only and others have it for anyone who wishes to show-up. Until Eddie died we had a chili party every year and would have anywhere from fifty to a hundred people. Eddie loved those gatherings.

People from outside often ask me, who comes to Sunny Rest? The answer is difficult because it includes people from all walks of life. You might see a teacher, a doctor, a lawyer, a truck-driver and a writer all sitting around talking and no one knows what the other one does for a living or where they come from or any other information about each other unless they wish to tell it. Eddie and I never hid the fact from anyone that we were nudists, not even our parents or our children, or our friends. However, we didn’t go around announcing it.

The two owners and operators of SRL live here with their two children and are, I hope, friends of mine. It is a big responsibility for two young people to keep everyone happy and occupied. It must be like being a school principal. Decisions have to be made usually for the majority, but someone always disagrees. You can’t please everyone all the time. As I say, like being a school principal. Most people don’t see the whole operation so they focus only on what affects them. Buddy and Myra, the owners have many things to think about that no one else would. Who is going to do this and that, cutting the grass, washing the dishes in the restaurant, night watchmen, repairing broken water lines, cleaning the pool and the hot tub, and a myriad of other things. I cut all the grass in SRL and enjoy it, but more importantly, to me it is therapy because it keeps me occupied. Buddy and Myra do a good job and have to also put up with much that is not on the surface.

Each day brings different experiences to me and I meet people all the time, sometimes in the stores or in the Beacon Diner where I go with Hank for coffee every morning. The checkout girls in the grocery stores have become friends, Jeanne, Donna, and Fran and at the diner Marsha, Debi, Mary, Chris and Tasha.

Hank and Debbie have a lot of company and often invite me to be there also so I meet a lot of their friends. Most of their friends seem to accept me as part of the group. Ed and Dori, John and Moreen, Erie Dave and Cathy, Bill and Carolyn, Chick and Patty, Dave and Louise, and Bart and Debbi. I mention them last because over the winter we have become pretty good friends through e-mail. It’s nice to have friends no matter what the situation.

At this point I want to mention one of my closest friends. It is a personal computer. We spend much time together and it does all kinds of things for me. For example I couldn’t write this chronicle without its assistance. It does my banking, writes my letters and keeps me in touch with all my family, and friends through the internet. I remember when Eddie told me that our youngest son was sending us a computer and I said, “What for, what will we do with it?” Was I ever wrong and thank Jim every day for being so thoughtful and having such foresight.


I want to say something about jealousy. Hank and Debbie are, to me, just like my children and I’m sure Hank does not consider me as a threat in any way when it comes to Debbie. However, he does get jealous when Chachi, their dog, shows me too much attention. If we are sitting in his living room and Chachi comes over and sits by me, Hank will tell the dog to come over and sit by him. And yet Hank will say to the dog, go over and talk to Tom. This is a joke Hank, please let me have some fun at your expense. It does, though, annoy me when people come to their house and try to make the dog do tricks. My response is, “wait Chachi, I’ll call Barnum and Bailey and you can join the circus”. I guess I’m a little jealous also.

I write letters to Eddie almost every day and those are in a separate file which you would have to look for, but I want to put some things here that were inspired by Eddie. I want to talk about the way I converse with Eddie every day and if that makes me crazy, so be it.

Today I was talking about my Primary Emotions:
Fear: I really have but only one fear and that is becoming a burden to my children. I fear being put in a nursing home because I don’t have the money anymore to pay for it. After losing you Eddie what else should I be afraid of in this life. Nothing!
Love: I love my children and grandchildren and wish I could see them more often.
I have much affection for many people who I see here every day.
Appreciation: I can’t even begin this without saying, thanks Hank and Debbie. I appreciate what people do for me, but constantly come back to my two best friends.
Frustration: I have frustrations Eddie, for example losing the electricity this week and not having heat. Things breaking in my house and not knowing how to fix them.
Loneliness: This is a battle I face every day and night. I have never been a loner and suffer from this almost more than anything. Loneliness is with me almost all the time. Even when I am with other people I find myself being lonely because something is missing. You, Eddie.

It is snowing this morning and it makes me think about how different our attitudes were about snow. I remember you out shoveling the walks with nothing on but your boots and a scarf, and of course your headband which you wore every day winter and summer. While you were doing that I would be inside keeping warm, which is what I’m doing today. They are plowing the roads but of course, not ours.


When we lived in Bethlehem before moving to Sunny Rest I use to procrastinate a lot, so Eddie made a sign and put by the back door. It looked something like this:

Do IT
NOW
TOM

When we moved up here I threw it out but she made an even bigger one and put on our back porch so I couldn’t miss it. It’s still there Eddie!

Love you all.