The Misheard Lyrics Hall of Fame

My fave is "Bad Moon Rising," though it's hard to choose.

Clarity isn't a job requirement for singers the way it was in Bing Crosby's day. This is for the best--nobody wants to see rock stars sent back to school for remedial elocution classes. You may have trouble understanding a vocalist because he or she is omitting minor details like vowels and consonants. Some singers are more proficient at this slurring than others, which is why I am pleased to honor the twelve members of the Misheard Lyrics Hall of Fame: Kurt Cobain, Bob Dylan, Jack Ely, John Fogerty, Chrissie Hynde, Mick Jagger, Elton John, Steve Miller, Stevie Nicks, Gavin Rossdale, Michael Stipe, and Eddie Vedder. Take a bow, fellas. Talk amongst yourselves--let us know if you need a translator.

Kurt Cobain
Nirvana, "All Apologies" Wrong lyric: Found my nasty salt
Right lyric: Found my nest of salt

Nirvana, "Smells Like Teen Spirit" Wrong lyric: I'm blotto and bravado/I'm a scarecrow and a Beatle
Right lyric: A mulatto, an albino/A mosquito, my libido

Bob Dylan
"Blowin' in the Wind" Wrong lyric: The ants are my friend, they're blowin' in the wind
Right lyric: The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind

"Lay Lady Lay" Wrong lyric: Lady Elaine, lay across my big brass bed
Right lyric: Lay lady lay, lay across my big brass bed

Jack Ely
The Kingsmen, "Louie Louie" Wrong lyric: I shoot a wad into her hair
Right lyric: I smell the rose in her hair

The Kingsmen, "Louie Louie" Wrong lyric: Tell her I'll never lay her again
Right lyric: I tell her I never leave again

John Fogerty
Creedence Clearwater Revival, "Bad Moon Rising" Wrong lyric: There's a bathroom on the right Right lyric: There's a bad moon on the rise

Creedence Clearwater Revival, "Fortunate Son" Wrong lyric: I got no fortune in Guam
Right lyric: I ain't no fortunate son

Chrissie Hynde
The Pretenders, "Brass in Pocket" Wrong lyric: Gonna use my sausage
Right lyric: Gonna use my sidestep

The Pretenders, "Middle of the Road" Wrong lyric: I'm not the cat I used to be/I've got a can of thirty-three babies
Right lyric: I've got a kid, I'm thirty-three, baby

Mick Jagger
The Rolling Stones, "Beast of Burden" Wrong lyric: I'll never leave your pizza burning
Right lyric: I'll never be your beast of burden

The Rolling Stones, "Paint It, Black" Wrong lyric: I see a Renoir and I want to paint it black Right lyric: I see a red door and I want to paint it black

Elton John
"Bennie and the Jets" Wrong: She's got electric boobs, her mom has two
Right: She's got electric boots and mohair shoes

"Rocket Man" Wrong lyric: Rocket man, burning up the trees on every lawn
Right lyric: Rocket man, burning out his fuse up here alone

"Tiny Dancer" Wrong lyric: Hold me closer, Tony Danza
Right lyric: Hold me closer, tiny dancer

Steve Miller
Steve Miller Band, "Jet Airliner" Wrong lyric: We don't chat at a lighthouse
Right lyric: Big ol' jet airliner

Steve Miller Band, "Jungle Love" Wrong lyric: Chug-a-lug, strawberry man
Right lyric: Jungle love is drivin' me mad

Stevie Nicks
"Edge of Seventeen" Wrong lyric: Just like the one-winged dog
Right lyric: Just like the white-winged dove

"Stand Back" Wrong lyric: Stamp Act
Right lyric: Stand back

Gavin Rossdale
Bush, "Glycerine" Wrong lyric: Batman watergun
Right lyric: Bad moon wine again

Bush, "Everything Zen" Wrong lyric: There's no sex in Ohio/There's no sex in Rhode Island Right lyric: There's no sex in your violence/There's no sex in your violence

Michael Stipe
R.E.M., "Man on the Moon"Wrong lyric: Edith was troubled by a horrible ass
Right lyric: Egypt was troubled by the horrible asp

R.E.M., "What's the Frequency, Kenneth?" Wrong lyric: You wore a skirt made of cream cheese Right lyric: You wore a shirt of violent green

Eddie Vedder
Pearl Jam, "Glorified G" Wrong lyric: Forty-five versions of a pelican
Right lyric: Glorified version of a pellet gun

Pearl Jam, "Jeremy" Wrong lyric: Laymen yell, "Oh son!"
Right lyric: Lemon-yellow sun